I wanted to write them, but I can’t bring myself to do it…. I’ve written about our issues with the schools before. It seems each school we run across some sort of issue… I find myself every time unable to say anything to the schools, the district, or out to the public because my children are still at the schools. Years later the words of the counselor I saw about the abuse I faced from my uncle come back to haunt me — basically ‘Why are you bringing this out now?’ As if I had an ulterior motive for keeping everything secret as a child and then seeking help when I reached adulthood. How do you explain that you don’t want your children to face a backlash. I can easily take the consequences of my own actions, but I can’t put those consequences on my children.
Currently we are facing a teacher that won’t enter grades until the day before finals, and even now we don’t know if they have all been entered. My son is a slow and methodical worker and this teacher is penalizing him for that. At first blocking any homework. Grades were just entered going all the way back to the beginning of September. He is also the tech manager for the school and we hear the excuse, he’s so busy… but if he’s that busy he should not be taking all a full day of teaching also. That puts him in the position of doing two jobs, and he prefers not to work all evening and weekends on grading and entering grades. We’ve had other issues also and choosing when to speak up is crippling.
Emails to the principal frequently go unanswered, sometimes with the excuse later that they were waiting to hear about something and then apparently they just forget to ever answer after. With my middle son we ran into a delay in getting a math class for the semester. Four years of math were required and we made it past November still trying to get a math class. That was almost ten years ago now, but the sting from the counselor calling my son in and telling him to pass on the message that I was never to do that again (I contacted the superintendent’s office to try to get his math class). The district office had pressured the counselor to get the class fixed. When he finally received access to his class in January, he was a semester behind everyone else and had to rush to complete one year of Calculus in one semester. My son was upset with me and I was upset with the counselor.
The same guidance counselor that had told us my oldest couldn’t take Biology his freshman year since she thought all students coming into public school from private school would just fail biology if they didn’t start with lower level classes. My oldest son’s private school had used an adjunct teacher from the local university to teach biology for 7th and 8th grade, so we were not worried at all. That year my son was also taking two math classes as well as the biology and his additional classes. Additionally she made mistakes with his math classes that year also. Scheduling him for a class that required the additional class he was taking at the same time. Later she called and told us that if he took all the tests for the first class in the two weeks beginning the semester and passed, he could continue to take both classes — which he did.
We now battle with the decision to ask for a 504 plan to allow more time for my son to do assignments and take tests because of his ASD. To ask risks having my son labeled. When my youngest was in school after having an IEP we dealt with everything from he’s doing too well to need an IEP to teachers that would assume he wasn’t gifted because of his autism. Talking to the local middle school about him returning, one teacher assumed he would need the special education, which having worked at that school before was a teacher I’d homeschool to avoid. It was just assumed that he would need the special needs classroom that was working a couple grade levels below the student’s current level, whereas my son is a few grade levels above his current grade level.
I’m sure the bias that occurs when a parent brings a problem to light isn’t a conscious bias but penalizing the student can occur. I feel I have to take it into account and every time I write with questions and get an excuse that doesn’t make sense, it’s hard not to feel that future problems will arise. I am still faced with the premise that those that do nothing when injustice or problems occur are accepting the new reality where that is the norm.
