Member-only story
We just lost my aunt…. the aunt that I had spoken to every day for the last five years…. the aunt that I viewed as a second mother, a second grandmother to my youngest son and everyone loved. On her passing we had former students telling us how much she had changed their lives — a goal I strive to achieve every day.
Really it started months ago that she was battling things, more tired than normal, always cold, and more. We would go to doctor after doctor and they would run test and tell us everything seemed fine. She had previously had both lung cancer (they removed a lobe of her lung) and breast cancer. We thought she wouldn’t make it the first time with the lung cancer, but she is strong and made it.
As time went on my aunt’s ability to do things decrease, pain increased immensely, appetite reduced, and she was begging us to put her out of pain. We would head off to the ER where each time she would say never again. I’ll admit it was super tough. We spent nights trying pillow after pillow because of bumps on her head that bothered her and stopped her from getting comfortable and I made numerous trips over to help when she forgot some basics, like how to turn off the fan. She would call with questions asking about what she had eaten or what the name of a bird was. I tried hard to make she never felt like she was an imposition, that it was a bother, and to be sure she knew she could call me anytime. People who are in pain can be brutal in their comments, so I reminded myself frequently that she was in pain and not herself.
She would frequently call to apologize and tell me how worried she was that she was being a burden. She wanted to remain at home and would have moments where she would tell me just to put her in a facility and then obsess worrying that I would. I would reassure as much as I could…. and I was really lucky that she didn’t get to the point where she couldn’t remember how to call me for help until near the very end. At one point she had gotten to the point that she couldn’t remember how to call but she did remember how to message through facebook. The one time I missed her message I did feel so guilty about missing it. By that point we had arranged daily help for her and I was visiting several times a day…. and really she just needed help with her tv, but it’s still a ugh, how did I miss that moment.
