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Primary Care Giver with too many other opinions coming in (that differ)
Being a primary caregiver is incredibly challenging. You’re constantly trying to make the best decisions for your loved one, especially when they’re struggling with memory loss and frustration. It becomes even more stressful when well-meaning family members offer differing opinions on care. The barrage of advice, though intended to be helpful, often leaves you feeling overwhelmed and inadequate.
For instance, my cousin, a registered nurse, is extremely concerned about my aunt’s medication management. She worries incessantly about missed doses and skipped meals, fearing that my aunt might accidentally take too much pain medication or acetaminophen. Her suggestion is that my aunt should either be in an assisted living facility or have someone living with her full-time to monitor her health closely. While I understand and appreciate her medical perspective, my priority has always been to alleviate my aunt’s severe pain and ensure her remaining years are comfortable. I know my aunt values comfort and quality of life over prolonging her life at any cost. It’s not that my cousin’s concerns are unfounded, but our perspectives and approaches to care differ significantly. I also live a country next door and am over a few times a day. My aunt still is capable of calling me anytime she needs assistance and easily feels guilty for bothering me too much after some of my cousin’s lectures on how my aunt needs help and it’s too much for one person. My arguments that I am the one that can decide when I’m doing too much fall on deaf ears.
My aunt never had children, and I’ve always been the closest thing to a child she has. She was a constant presence in my life, especially during times when my own mother struggled to understand me. My aunt and I share a unique bond, one that has been strengthened by shared experiences and mutual support. She faced similar family challenges, particularly with relatives who had a perverted way of treating girls. These experiences undoubtedly affected her self-esteem (and I know if affected my own), making our relationship even more significant. I feel a deep sense of responsibility and love towards her, and I want to honor her wishes and provide the care she desires.
