Recognizing the Past, Embracing Healing: My Journey with Trauma

I can vividly recall moments from my childhood that have stayed with me. One that stands out is how, before going to parties, my father would spank me. His reasoning was always the same: I was bound to do something wrong, so he was punishing me in advance. It wasn’t just parties. He’d say we couldn’t go out to eat because of me. And, as I later found out, there were even bigger accusations. A cousin once shared that they couldn’t visit their grandfather because of me.

It turns out, the reason for this was tied to something far darker than I ever knew as a child. Their grandfather was a pedophile, and I was his victim. My father had told them what my uncle did to me, and that knowledge led them to keep their children from being alone with him. But instead of recognizing the real issue — the danger of leaving children unsupervised with an abuser — they blamed me. I was made to feel like the reason their kids had to stay away, as though the abuse I endured made me the problem.

I went on to attend college and pursue a degree in psychology. My real love was computer science (which wasn’t really a thing yet). I took classes in the then degree computational mathematics and loved them, but my actual degree was in psych. Now I rarely mention my BS degree to anyone. I went on to pursue a MBA and had thought about a PhD in Special Education. I had thought to…